Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Denial Got Me Here

I came across a picture last night.  A picture of me about 100# ago.  And I started wondering: "How did I let that happen?  How did I let myself go?"  Denial got me to that point.

I remember making my own clothes at that point, and using a size 16 pattern, for my size 24 self.  I would cut the fabric about 4 inches outside that size 16 line.  I would look in the mirror, and try to convince myself I was still the same...still an average size.  I remember comparing myself to other people, too.  I thought the thinner people had some special pact with God, and I thought the fatter people were definitely fatter than me.

And I remember eating way too much.  And not moving.  And walking up a flight of stairs that made me so out of breath it took me 5 minutes to recover.

What got me there?  Denial.

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